Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
