Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
