maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
