i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
