Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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