my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
