Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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