I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
