Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
