I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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