I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
