Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize