you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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