If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
