I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
