Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
