my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
