god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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