Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
