Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
