tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
