I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
