why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
