Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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