Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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