Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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