never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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