he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
