He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
