I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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