His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
