Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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