The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
