my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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