I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
