So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
