remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
