Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
