I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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