im drinking this country out of the recession.
my phone needs a breathalizer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
