I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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