you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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