You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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