How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
