the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A+ Viking dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
