I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
