my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize