just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
