This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
