he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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