just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
