Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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