last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
