Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I sprained my soul last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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