Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
