Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
