Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
