my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I forget how to act sober
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
