i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
