Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Plan B is the new Plan A
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
