haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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