well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
