I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
