take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
