I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize