The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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