I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
