did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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