I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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