my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
