i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
